Five of my scripts have been published in a compilation titled, quite simply, "Five Monologues" (2023): The Lace, Fiddelity, One's Company, Desperately Seeking Samuel, and What's in a Name.
A sixth has been published under it's own title, "The Little Wooden House".
These books are available for purchase on Amazon Books.
Rainin is a short two hander in the theatre of the absurd genre. It has yet to be performed and is not published other than here.
All of these scripts are subject to copyright. Permission is required for the reproduction in part or in whole or the use of them. Permission may be sought in writing to "Paul Rapsey, 5408 Granville Road, Granville Ferry, Nova Scotia, CANADA, B0S 1A0".
Rainin’
By Paul Rapsey ©2019
This is a silly ten minute two-hander written in the theatre of the absurd genre.
(Simple set. Two chairs. Small table. Other props: Coffee
pot, tea pot, two mugs, broken wooden pieces. Sound: smashing wood, smashing
pottery.)
(Playwrights direction: Lines should be delivered and
responded to slowly with advantage taken of pauses.)
Two characters.
A: [Looking out window] Rainin’.
B: Again?
A: Yup.
[Pause]
B: When’ll we get that yard work done?
A: Dunno… Soon as it dries up I guess.
B: But it’s rained most days for the past 6 weeks.
A: Yup… Can’t do nothin’ ‘bout that.
B: You can’t do nothin’ ‘bout nothin’ most of the time.
A: Rainin’ most of the time.
B: Wasn’t rainin’ last Friday.
A: Did so.
B: Only in the mornin’.
A: Too wet still in the afternoon.
[Pause]
B: Gotta get that foundation in afore winter.
A: Yup.
B: Gotta get those ‘taters planted soon.
A: Yup.
B: What are we gonna do?
A: Dunno … wait I guess.
B: How long we gotta wait?
A: ‘Til it stops rainin’ … ‘til it dries up.
B: When’ll that be?
A: Dunno. … Maybe soon… Maybe not… Dunno.
[Pause. B Looks out window]
B: Want some tea?
A: No coffee left?
B: [Checks pot] Nope.
A: Tea’s okay then.
B: [B goes to kitchen. Returns in a few moments] Fire won’t light.
A: Whad’ya mean.
B: Woods wet. Fire won’t light.
A: Brought it in yesterday.
B: Rainin’ yesterday. Still wet.
A: [Goes out – hear something being smashed. Walks back in with pieces of wood.] Here. [Hands B wood]
B: What’s this?
A: Wood.
B: I know it’s wood.
A: Dry wood.
B: Where’d it come from.
A: That old chest of drawers in the back.
B: My ma’s old chest?
A: Yup.
B: You didn’t …
A: Yup.
B: But…
A: Never liked it…
B: But…
A: Never liked yer old ma neither. [Pause] Ornery.
B: Hard life.
A: What?
B: Hard life - my ma…
A: No excuse for ornery. [Pause] Gonna make that tea?
B: [Stomps out. Sound of something being smashed]
A: What’s all the noise?
B: [Comes in with pieces of broken wood]
A: What’s that?
B: [B looks at what s/he is carrying] Wood.
A: I know it’s wood.
B: Dry wood… kindling
A: Where’d you get it?
B: That old table…
A: What old table?
B: The one in the kitchen.
[Pause]
A: The one my pa made?
B: Yup –
A: You didn’t …
B: Yup – bust …
A: Shouldn’t-a done that.
B: Accident…
A: No accident that…
B: Yup – just collapsed in a heep … like yer drunken ol’ pa …
A: He made it good an’ sturdy…
B: Good an’ sturdy like that old chest of drawers ?
A: You shouldn’t-a done that.
[Pause]
B: [Kettle whistle blows - B leaves for kitchen. Returns with teapot and mugs] Tea’s ready.
A: Don’t want no tea… [Sulking]
B: Just said ya did.
A: Maybe …
B: Well … [Pause]
A: Don’t want it no more.
B: ‘Kay then. [B sits and drinks her tea with a slurp. Keeps drinking and slurping.]
A: Rude ta slurp like that …
B:: [another drink, another slurp] When’d’you ever get manners?
A: Never mind. Just know it’s rude that’s all.
B: Want some?
A: I said no!
B: I know. Don’t mean you don’t want it though….
[Pause. B pours herself more tea. Finished pot.]
A: [goes to window – looks out] Pourin’.
B: Tea?
A: What d’ya mean “Tea”?
B: Want me to pour ya some tea?
A: No, - rain.
B: Waddya mean “rain”.
A: It’s rainin’.
B: What’s that gotta do with tea?
A: Nothin’. It’s rainin’. Pouring rain.
B: Oh. I thought ya wanted some tea. … Wanted me to pour ya some tea.
A: [Still looking out window] Not stoppin’ any time soon. [Pause. Comes and sits down again. Pause.] Maybe I will have some of that tea.
B: [Pours from teapot but nothing comes out. Shakes teapot. Tries again. Nothing] None left.
A: [A grabs the teapot and storms out. Silence. Sound of teapot smashing. Enters again.] No water!
B: Waddya mean?
A: No water. … Pumps not working.
B: Worked for me.
A: Well it’s not working now.
B: Funny.
A: What’s funny?
B: That it’s not working.
A: That’s not funny.
B: I don’t mean funny ha ha. [ Pause] I mean funny strange.
A: Oh.
B: Worked just fine a minute ago.
A: You said that already
B: Can say it agin if I want to.
A: No matter - it aint workin’ now.
B: Power’s not out.
A: What’s that gotta do with it?
[Short pause]
If the power’s out it won’t work, will it?
No. [Pause] Power’s not out though.
B I know. … Light’s on.
A: So what…
B: Light’s on … so power’s not out, that’s all. [ A starts to leave] Where ya goin’.
A: Cellar… [A exits]
B: [Calls] Put your boots on. It’s probably wet down there.
A: [Silence - Call] Pumps shorted!
B: [Shouts] What!?
A: [Shouts back] Wha’d’ya say.
B [ Shouts] I said “What?”
A: [Shouts] What? - Can’t hear ya!
B: [Mutters] No. Don’t listen neither…
A: [Comes back in in boots.] No pump. … No water for tea.
B: No teapot neither by the sound of it.
A: No. [Pause. Goes to the window, looks out for a while]
B: Still rainin’?
A: Yup.
B: No plantin’ any time soon.
A: Nope.
B: Too wet.
A: Yup. … Wetter ‘n an ol’ daug’s nose.
[Short pause]
B: Yup.
[Curtain]
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